Happiness
by charlibubble
Summary: I apologise to GSR for writing more Sandle... I was forced - FORCED - into it! :D


**A/N: Ok so I have this deal with 'DearSweetPaperCut' (that I think she must have made up!) that every time she publishes a GSR fic I have to publish a Sandle – I know – its been hard for me too… especially this one! How and ever here we have it, Sandleness to the extreme.  
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**set post Dune and Gloom – Sara was just too sad in that episode!**

**Read and Review please – unless you are a GSR-er who wants to berate me for being a traitor to our kind – I still have GSR faith – season 13 – it will have GSR …. And if not I am loving a bit of Modges ;) **

**Charli x**

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_"Happiness is like a butterfly:_

_ the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, _

_but if you turn your attention to other things,_

_it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…"– Thoreau_

Greg loitered at the locker room door, debating whether it was appropriate for him to go in or not. It had been a long time since he had seen Sara so edgy, so angry, and so full of despair. It worried him; the last case that crept under her skin like this had scared her away.

"You ok?" he muttered nervously, breaking her attention from the photograph in her hands. Sara nodded, holding the image a little tighter in her hands and moistening her lips. Her throat felt as dry as the desert, making speech almost impossible.

"I wonder sometimes…" she began "if some people are just supposed to be unhappy. Maybe, there's just not a happy ending out there for some of us"

"I don't believe that, you think people have no control over their happiness?"

His eyes wandered to the photograph nestling in her hands, the day she married Grissom. Her beaming smile shining out from the photograph like a beacon of light, surely that had been a happy time, a memory for her to hold onto whenever the darkness closed in again.

"I think maybe happiness can be short lived for people like me." She stated sadly, so sadly he felt his heart aching for her. He reached out and clutched her hand.

"Come with me…." Greg pulled her behind him and she followed without question, her trust in him unwavering. He wound them both through the corridors and up the stairs, nodding at colleagues as they passed, keeping close to the wall.

The lights of Las Vegas stretched out in front of them, a neon sea of sin that had once felt almost magical to her. Now though, now the glow from the street lights and signs merely reminded her of how much space there was between herself and her husband. When he stepped outside his workplace he wasn't assaulted by the sound of screeching tyres and sirens, the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke didn't linger in his blood stream anymore. He could gaze up at the clear skies and count the stars.

"Isn't it beautiful?" he muttered gazing upwards towards the blackness of the night.

Sara didn't follow his lead; she had seen the stars before. She'd seen them in the most beautiful settings in the world; Vegas could only pale in comparison. Instead she wrapped her arms around herself and paced the space of the roof. She couldn't seem to shake the feelings coursing through her. The melancholy, the regret, the despair… they washed over her like poison in her bloodstream.

"It's so false… all of it. The lights, the music, the smiles… "She stared directly outwards, the wind catching her hair, making it wave around her face.

Greg took the few steps towards her, cupping her chin in his hands and tilting her head towards the skies. Her eyes danced over him as he studied her with such intensity she could feel it burning her skin.

"Look again…" he whispered into her ear, stroking a few unruly wisps of hair behind her ear. "Sometimes the key to happiness is right in front of you"

The sky was littered with stars, twinkling in the darkness. Those stars symbolized so much to so many, hope, renewal, luck, fortune, beauty. To her they symbolized one thing – distance.

There had been a time when she would have considered any distance surmountable. The world could be such a small place when the enthusiasm was there. Recently though, the miles stretched out ahead of her and the distance remained. Even when she was by his side she could feel it, making a wedge between them. In times like these when she seemed enclosed in shadows she needed to be able to reach out for him and find his embrace. He was the only one who knew, he knew how the nightmares tortured her soul and she didn't need to explain herself to him, but it wasn't enough.

She tore her tear strained eyes away from the sky, fighting to maintain her fragile composure. Greg simply wrapped her in his arms, pulling her close to his body so that she could feel his warmth and hear his heart beating in his chest. It was instantly soothing, her body involuntarily relaxing against his. His hand gently stroked her hair, relishing the feeling of it flowing between his fingers like fine silk.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to break down like this..." Sara mumbled, surprised at how weak and broken her voice had become. "Sometimes, I wonder if it's worth trying to be happy."

"What do you mean?" he frowned, allowing her head to rest on his chest, her breath brushing his neck.

"every time I'm happy… every time I let my guard down there's something, someone, waiting in the shadow's to take it all away" her body trembled as she succumbed to the build-up of emotions "just like those men… they thought they could finally stop running"

"What are you running from Sara?"

Sara shook her head and broke free from his embrace, crossing the roof she sheepishly cleared her face of tears and took a deep trembling breath. A shiver coursed through her body, Greg was watching her, scrutinizing her, analyzing her. He was trying to think of a way to 'fix' her but she wasn't sure it was possible. She'd been running from her past for so long that it had become a huge part of her; even Grissom hadn't helped her escape.

"myself." She whispered simply. The honesty in the statement surprised her, the word hovering in the air between them like a bad smell "I do this, I collect all this negative energy… I hold onto it until I end up like this… or I run away… it doesn't matter. The end result is always the same."

"Look Sara, I know it's hard. I know sometimes life seems to suffocate us but maybe you're looking too hard. You don't always know when you're happy… sometimes its little things that matter the most"

She was only half listening, her vision fixed on the horizon and all the promises it had once held, all the secrets she had tried to hide on it. Greg grasped her hand, gently pulling her towards him until she was forced to look at him. Her expression now stony and unemotional as she met his concerned eyes.

"Sometimes all you need is someone to take your hand… and tell you they care about you."

"Greg…" she began to protest before realizing she didn't want to. Her heart fluttered in her chest, pounding off her ribs as she tried to steady her breathing. She attempted to remember the last time another person had made her feel like that. The last time she had felt that alive.

He reached out his hand to stroke her cheek, his skin feeling cold against the burning of her cheeks. His thumb gently traced the tracks of her tears, removing all traces of her upset as she found herself staring into his eyes. Somehow, she was paralyzed under his touch; she couldn't pull away, couldn't respond, and couldn't seem to form words at all.

When he dipped his head towards her she drew a gasping breath in anticipation, making him pull back and gaze into her eyes as though searching for permission. Her tongue moistened her lips as their breath lingered and she realized that there was no turning back from this point. They had reached that moment where it was do or die and she couldn't seem to recall why it was a bad idea.

"Sara…" he breathed, lingering closer than he ever had before. So close she could almost taste the coffee on his lips and feel the softness of his skin already.

"Hmmm?" she nuzzled his hand, closing her eyes in an attempt to memorize the moment.

"I wish it had been me" he muttered nervously "I wish I could have been the one to make you happy"

The sadness in his voice was a surprise to her. She opened her eyes and locked with his, questioning his words without speaking. It wasn't what she had expected to hear although Greg had never made a secret of his feelings for her he had never, ever been anything but supportive of her marriage.

The past 2 years had been hard, maintaining a relationship with so many miles between them Greg had been an amazing support. He had been there when she had been stood up, when she was sick, when she needed to celebrate or blow off steam. He had been by her side, doing whatever it was he did that always made her smile. That probably explained where his despair came from, supporting someone detaching from their own relationship was bound to leave a little resentment behind.

"it is you…" she uttered it without thinking, the air sucked out of her lungs and the whole world started to spin out of control as she clutched onto the sleeves of his shirt for support "you do… "

His lips were grazing hers, dancing upon them as his arms folded around her. She could never have imagined them feeling so soft, so sensually caressing her own that she was breathless. She could never have created in her mind the reaction her body had to the gentle circles he traced on the base of her spine as his tongue tasted her mouth and his body pressed against her.

When he broke away he held her trembling body in his arms and looked into her eyes. He always seemed to look directly into her soul, reading the stories she tried hard to hide from everyone else. He could always steal the truth from her lips.

"What do you think of the stars now?" he smiled at her softly.

Without dropping his gaze a smile played on her lips, dancing across the shadows of his kiss

"You're right… it is beautiful"


End file.
